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Families and Christmas

With Christmas just around the corner, here comes the nostalgia and here come the family get-together’s. Christmas brings up so many emotions and its different for everyone, some of us have fond memories of Christmas and some of us just hate it. It tends to be a blend of different feelings and emotions for most people. Getting together with family can throw some curve balls. I always feel age 14 again when I go home for Christmas, my parents and siblings treat me the same. Do they know that I am an adult now? It’s like stepping into a time machine I haven’t aged a bit. When I step back in the bustle of my family system I feel those old familiar feelings of “perhaps I’m just not good enough.” I’m not blaming this on my family. They love me and I love them. Like all families we are dysfunctional. We all have wounds from childhood, its part of the course of being alive. Something happens when we are young; it could be something as benign as not being heard when we were trying to express ourselves or it could be a very serious abuse. The on going problem comes because we make it mean something about ourselves and we carry that belief through life unless we change. “I don’t matter, I am unlovable…” the list is goes on. These wounds are triggered when we get around our nearest and dearest but guess what, it’s a good thing. When we are alerted to the pain it gives us an opportunity to deal with it. If we reframe it, being triggered is a gift, a chance to look inwards. A belief is just something we have told ourselves again and again till we believed it was true. Why not try being curious this Christmas, when you feel triggered become like a detective, ask yourself “What am I believing about myself that is causing me so much hurt right now? then listen quietly and patiently for the answers. This could be the best gift you receive this Christmas.

Happy Christmas and peace to all.

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